My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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