I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
