i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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