every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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