Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
