Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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