First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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