Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
