I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
