This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
