i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
