If i come over, it means nothing
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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