And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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