i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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