he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Found your dick twin last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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