Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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