So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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