You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
