I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
