I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
