im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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