Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
