Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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