we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
