I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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