but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
