is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
