If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize