dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
