i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
