Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
