I met the friendliest cop last night
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize