Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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