You made me cry and you don't even care
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think my moral compass just broke
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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