i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
