I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize