Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
