Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
