Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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