he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
