Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
