So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
