Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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