I wanna bring you to show and tell
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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