I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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