Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
