I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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