i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
