Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
