Me too!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
