So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
