She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
