I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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