It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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