I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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