He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
