I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
