my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's the barista slut.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize