That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
