If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
