Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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