Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
