haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
