look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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