never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
