At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
