i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
