Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
