just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you never un-have a 4some
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
