what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
