I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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