we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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