Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
