Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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