If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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